Blog Flashback...

Taking a trip into the way back blog files and reposting this one from March 2010:
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It is often hard to explain Autism to people because EVERYONE knows about it, but quite honestly, unless you know someone WITH it, it's really hard to describe. There are also lots of myth's and preconceived notions about Autism.

Here are some thoughts I had from my son's point of view.

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I am blonde, beautiful, and happy.
I am two years old and love circles.
Don't bother arguing with me that two is too young to be diagnosed with Autism..
my Mommy took me to the best.

I may repeat your words but I don't really "Talk.". But I am not stupid.

I am a sensory seeker and love rough play..but don't assume my friends will. We are not all the same.
I am Autism.

I will scream when you cut my hair, take away my puzzle pieces and turn off Baby Einstein.
Sometimes you may leave a room and I won't notice.
Sometimes I will...and proceed to tear it apart until you return.
I am Autism.

You will get dirty looks from strangers who think I am just a bad kid having a meltdown and
you stink as a parent.
Go ahead..give them a dirty look back...I'm too busy having a meltdown to notice.
I am Autism.

I will eat bananas on Monday.
But not on Tuesday.
I may try the juice you give me...
but only if its red...
and in a green cup...
or I may just throw the darn thing down and fuss.
I am Autism.

I may sleep great, but  my friends may not.
Potty training may be a fantasy...
Simple errands may drive my mommy insane...
I am Autism.

But despite all that...
I am a child, and "A Person is a Person, No Matter How Small"
As Dr Seuss says (and I like Dr Seuss.)
I do love you, I do need you, and I do miss you when you're gone.
I may not run and hug you (or I may!) and I may not say your name,
but you know I'm in here, waiting for you to help me come out.

And I know you love me more than I will ever know.
I know it by hugs, kisses, and that we try it all again the next day.

We'll try therapies, we'll try games, toys, books--everything "THEY" say to do.
I'll try it all with you Mommy, because I know you know,
I am Autism.

And that is okay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mommy here now...

I am 110% thankfully every day for my life. Eli is extremely high functioning and I remind myself that is a huge gift. He is not dying, he does not need surgeries or meds, and he DOES hug me, love me and look at me.

But some days those blessings are a curse. How can a child who can name colors, not say Mommy? How can he not call my name, his dad's or his brother's? How can we do a puzzle in peace, but when we go to the store we MUST go get a banana so he can hold it through the entire store? Why are some of the simplest tasks the hardest, but then the next day they'll be a breeze? How do you make sure your other more 'typical' child (with issues of his own) is given the same attention as his Autistic brother?

People have asked me, are you sure you're done having kids? When I say yes, and they ask why, I reply, "I have one son with sensory issues and one with Autism". They often say, "so?"

Obviously those people have never spent any reasonable amount of time dealing with even a high functioning Autistic child. They have never had to wonder, will I be able to potty train my child? Will he function okay in school? Will he be able to work one day? Those questions don't go through most people's minds because at first glance, Eli is adorable, he says colors and shapes and he (most of the time) listens to simple commands.

But for the good days there are bad, and sometimes it makes me think. I know I do the best I can, and I have faith he will continue to improve. But the downside of him being high functioning, is it's easy to forget that we STILL need to "fight" for him to continue to grow..it's easy to become complacent. Going to the grocery store, park, bank or what not should NOT be a drama..but it is...and until the day it isn't...I will keep working...fighting for the 'real' Eli to keep coming out.

I hope this makes you think again about any Autistic children (or any special needs) children you may know. Please don't ever judge these families until you have walked a mile in their shoes. And just because it LOOKS like a mom may have it all under control...it could be an act... maybe you can just lend a hand...hold a diaper bag...make a dinner...do SOMETHING for a mom who needs a helping hand.

Thanks for letting me vent my friends! :)
~~Amy