Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rest in Peace, Mom.

Ten years ago today I lost my mother. I was only 21 years old. She was ill for much of my life, off and on, and to say we had an interesting, not quite healthy relationship is an understatement. She had many issues, we had our ups and downs, and she was a bit of a mess at times....but she was always my mom. I always knew she loved me, cared for me and wanted the best for me.

She died just when my husband and I were finally truly "together" (after years of 'will they, won't they?' drama!) I suspect she knew I was grown, safe and she could safely go without totally screwing me up. It was a rough, rough month the last month before she died. A lot of drama, a lot of disappointment on behalf of the medical establishments and my own family. But I was there for her, and helped took care of her the best a 21 year old college student could.

My only regret is I was not actually at the hospital the day she died. They had called that morning and said she wasn't well, but it was not a dire situation. I went to church as she would have wanted me to, and was 30 miles away when my brother called to say she wasn't doing good. Before I could get home, she had passed. I'll never forget hearing that news. Ever.

Mothers are a tricky substance....we love 'em, we hate 'em, but we need them. I wish I'd had mine a lot longer. I know she'd be happy for me now. Loving husband, beautiful boys, college graduate, I don't think I'd be a disappointment to her. I think she'd be proud.

2000-2001 was a rough year for me. I lost my mother December 23rd, 2000, and my grandmother December 14th 2001 (the SAME exact day I graduated for college. She died 20 minutes after hearing I had graduated...her only grandchild at that point to graduate college.) It was a long, long year and years to come.

My point in all this personal drama is that, if you're lucky enough to still have your mother, hug her, call her, write her, love her. If she's gone...know you're not alone....there are lots of others who miss their moms every single day.

My goal in life is to be the best mother I can be to my own two boys....they say we learn from our parents by the mistakes they made with hopefully, I have learned enough and I do right by my boys.

Mama would want it that way. Miss you mom.


I don't have many pictures of her on is in her 20's I believe.
Me, being goofy at my niece's wedding a year ago. I do see the similarities :)


Anonymous said...

They really ARE a "tricky substance"...I feel exactly the same way about the loss of my mother....*hugs*.....

Walk in the Woods said...

I do.
I will.
Though there are times it is so, so very hard.
Yet I know it is a worthy challenge.

Thank you for the loving reminder.


PussDaddy said...

I am so sorry you lost your mother. I lost mine too.

I wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.



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