Rest in Peace, Mom.

Ten years ago today I lost my mother. I was only 21 years old. She was ill for much of my life, off and on, and to say we had an interesting, not quite healthy relationship is an understatement. She had many issues, we had our ups and downs, and she was a bit of a mess at times....but she was always my mom. I always knew she loved me, cared for me and wanted the best for me.

She died just when my husband and I were finally truly "together" (after years of 'will they, won't they?' drama!) I suspect she knew I was grown, safe and she could safely go without totally screwing me up. It was a rough, rough month the last month before she died. A lot of drama, a lot of disappointment on behalf of the medical establishments and my own family. But I was there for her, and helped took care of her the best a 21 year old college student could.

My only regret is I was not actually at the hospital the day she died. They had called that morning and said she wasn't well, but it was not a dire situation. I went to church as she would have wanted me to, and was 30 miles away when my brother called to say she wasn't doing good. Before I could get home, she had passed. I'll never forget hearing that news. Ever.

Mothers are a tricky substance....we love 'em, we hate 'em, but we need them. I wish I'd had mine a lot longer. I know she'd be happy for me now. Loving husband, beautiful boys, college graduate, I don't think I'd be a disappointment to her. I think she'd be proud.

2000-2001 was a rough year for me. I lost my mother December 23rd, 2000, and my grandmother December 14th 2001 (the SAME exact day I graduated for college. She died 20 minutes after hearing I had graduated...her only grandchild at that point to graduate college.) It was a long, long year and years to come.

My point in all this personal drama is that, if you're lucky enough to still have your mother, hug her, call her, write her, love her. If she's gone...know you're not alone....there are lots of others who miss their moms every single day.

My goal in life is to be the best mother I can be to my own two boys....they say we learn from our parents by the mistakes they made with us....so hopefully, I have learned enough and I do right by my boys.

Mama would want it that way. Miss you mom.

~~Amy

I don't have many pictures of her on computer...here is in her 20's I believe.

Me, being goofy at my niece's wedding a year ago. I do see the similarities :)

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

A letter to Mom,

Dear Mom,

I miss you. Every day. Although life keeps me pretty darn busy and there are many days where I sort of 'forget' you are gone, I don't ever REALLY forget. It just gets easier with time. I cannot believe it's been almost 10 years since you died. It feels like a lifetime ago. A lot has changed since you left....I graduated college (the same day, MawMaw died. Yeah, sucks I know, Mom.) I got married, and have two beautiful boys. They never knew you but I'll make sure one day they know about you.

In a way I'm grateful you left when you did, you were so sick. I know your body couldn't take much more and any more time would have just caused you more pain. But that doesn't make it any easier. I'll also never be able to turn back the clock and say all the things I should have said. How I was sorry for being a bratty teenager, for our fights, for our angst. I know how you had mental health issues and that you didn't mean to hurt me the times you did. People make mistakes. I forgive you. I hope you forgive me.

But what I remember are the silly times. The times you were goofy with me, the times we made each other laugh. The endless games of Sorry, Uno and Boggle! :) I remember you letting me brush your hair, dress you up and do all the girly things you hated to do.

I know one day we'll be together again and I know you are proud of the woman I've become. 21 seems like so long ago but I know that when you died you knew I was safe, happy and would be okay.

I miss you mom. Every day. Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

Love,
Amy

Sharon Lea Dietz

10/30/1937-12/23/2000

Eli's Story

I thought I would take this opportunity to tell my son's story. Of course it is not complete, but hopefully will explain where we are right now.

Eli was born Jan. 23, 2008 (a very strategically planned winter baby--I was NOT evacuating 9 mos pregnant again!) and a welcome addition to our family that also includes big brother Harrison, now age 4. The pregnancy was your typical normal pregnancy and his birth was actually enjoyable, so different from Harrison's very traumatic, long, nearly ending in C-Section, birth.

Eli hit all his developmental milestones just fine, give or take a few weeks, until around 14 mos. He had a few words at 12 months including mama, daddy, kit-kat (cat), milk, more and he also signed more and all done. He was breastfeed until 11 mos, so he never even got a bottle really until 12 mos, so he was late getting off the bottle. He started milk and gluten at 12 mos (we have Celiac Disease in our family so I was hesitant when to start wheat.) and seemed to be fine. Meanwhile his brother was complaining of tummy aches and his own (undiagnosed) sensory issues were still being dealt with.

We noticed around 14-16 mos that Eli had stopped saying the words he WAS saying, stopped signing and wasn't picking up NEW words. He also was suddenly not eating ANYTHING. I mean virtually nothing. I found this very odd because up until 14-16 mos, he ate EVERYTHING I put in front of him and I loved it because Harrison was SUCH a picky eater.

So at his 18 mo visit I addressed my concerns with his pediatrician and for once she didn't blow me off. Having taught Head Start and worked in Early Intervention, I knew what I had to do. I called Early Steps, Louisiana's early intervention service for children under age 3 and scheduled a screening/eval. As I suspected he tested about 6-8 mos behind on his language, slightly behind on social/emotional and slightly behind on fine motor. He also failed the autism screening.

Now, granted the 'cut off' score for the autism screening was 20 and he got 23, but still. It was enough to warrant an evaluation. Of course, Early Steps does not actually COVER the cost of diagnosis and I was advised by a few people to just let it be and let him get the speech and OT Early Steps was suggesting.

But do I normally just do what people say? Not so much.

I knew from my years of teaching that if there was even the slightest chance he DID have autism, we needed to know now and get therapy started immediately. So I did some digging and found a developmental pediatrician, the fantastic Dr. Susan Fielkow at Ochsner and scheduled an eval.

Dr. Fielkow is great and doesn't really do 'scores' on young children, which I appreciate, because someone needs to really look at the whole child to see what's going on. Eli did receive a diagnosis of autism, albeit mild.  Now this is where most people think I'm crazy or a hypochondriac looking for sympathy! They say, "but he looks you in the eye!" "He hugs you!"

Yes he does. He looks ME in the eye and he will look some strangers in the eye. And he hugs ME on HIS terms. Can I pick him up on my own and get snuggles? No, not usually. That usually sets him off. He will play games like Peek a Boo and other baby games, but that's the point, he's behind. If he's hungry, I wouldn't know other than knowing his cries because I am his mother. He does not take my hand and lead me to the fridge, or say hungry, or eat. (Although he IS making strides and does now stand in the kitchen and fuss.)

So yes, at first glance, he looks totally 'normal'...whatever that means anymore. His stims are fewer and farer between since starting therapy and they are not very noticeable--mostly visual stimming with a toy or an inanimate object. Lots of vocal stimming also, whining, crying, strange noises but little real language. He can usually be easily diverted from his repetitions and stimming with some major gross motor pressure, flips and games. He is currently obsessed with circles and loves everything circle! He is a sensory seeker so he loves the wild tossing, flipping and other fun things an OT would do :)

My son has autism. Many children do and there are tons of myths surrounding it. I encourage you to never judge that someone is making something up, or that their child does or doesn't have a certain special need. The faces of autism are drastically different but still adorable and deserving of a chance.

What are we doing for Eli?

At the moment, once a week speech therapy, occupational therapy and special instruction. We're looking into applying for a pilot program for autism therapy through Early Steps because we cannot at this point afford the ABA therapy that would benefit him.

He has also begun the gluten free diet. This is a no brainer due to me having Celiac Disease and Harrison being gluten sensitive. It remains to be seen does Eli REALLY have autism or does he have severe Celiac Disease showing as symptoms of Autism? It doesn't really matter because the treatment is the same for him, Gluten Free diet and therapies.

A recent study in Pediatrics showed that children of mothers with Celiac may be 3 times more likely to have Autism. This does not surprise me at all. The statistics speak for themselves...1 in 150 have Autism, 1 in 133 have Celiac. Do the math.

Many children are helped by the GFCF diet. Some are not. But I feel it is an easy, (mostly) harmless way to help your child. Never start the GFCF diet without professional guidance. Some autistic children are SO picky about food that if you went cold turkey they literally would dehydrate and starve themselves. Go slowly and seek help through professional organizations and your doctor/nutritionist.

My advice for parents who suspect a problem? Don't take no for an answer. Trust your gut. Maybe you're wrong and your kid is just fine. Wouldn't you rather look stupid then wait and find out later there WAS something wrong and you could have helped? You always have the final say in your child's health. Do you want to delay or not do vaccinations? Then do your research and speak your mind. (For the record we do not do shots for personal religious reasons, and Eli still has autism.)

Do you want to try the GFCF diet? Do your research and try it! Do you want to try other biomedical techniques? Again, great, do your OWN research and see what you can do. You are the authority on your child and you know what's normal and not normal for them! I personally vote for trying just about anything once to see if it will help!

I can tell you by now I know what sets Eli off and what makes his symptoms worse. Don't be afraid to be an advocate for your child. No one else will be.

We paid (or will pay) about 1000 dollars for Eli's diagnosis. It was worth every penny. It set my mind at ease, let me know what we were up against and gave me a professional to help give me guidance. So, no Eli is not your 'typical autistic child' (again, whatever THAT is supposed to mean.) but he is who he is and we'll help him learn to be the best he can be.

My child may have autism but autism does not have my child.

Please feel free to share your stories of autism and how you are coping!!

~~Amy

My Journey Into Minimalism Part Two

So, I am still on this journey to find my home. No, I'm not wandering the streets of my town lost, but I am still in the process of purging, cleaning, organizing and finding the HOME in my house.

The week in the cabin spurned an awakening inside me, causing me to immensely need to purge our belongings, for fear we'd end up on some reality show buried under toys.

Okay, so I'm actually not really a hoarder (I even share my fabric--ok I sell it..sorry no free fabric.) But we are a small family of four in a house full of CRAP. I don't even know how it got here. I know much of it was given, and as said in my last post, I'm not one to go endlessly shopping for new and pretty things. (except fabric). But I digress.

I have made some progress. Much has been given away on Freecycle and Freeuse, and some given to friends. But the pile behind my sofa is still HUGE. I've contemplated lugging it to the local resell stores, but really? I am a busy mother of two, and much of the pile is nonsense. Now there are some things I'll bring over there that could probably bring me a few bucks and that's fine. But most of it....back to freeuse.org we go!

What spurned this second round? My kitchen. I hate my kitchen. I despise my kitchen. NOW, this really sucks bc the kitchen is what SOLD this house to us. Its HUGE (ok in my definitions its huge). Large enough for an island and a 6 person table.

However, thanks to my handy little sewing habit, half my kitchen is comprised of computer armoire, sewing machine, shelves (full of sewing crap) and the cute little desk where I pay my bills--which would be fine, if boxes of OLD bills didn't surround it.

And as large as my kitchen is, the set up is crappy. Bad cabinet space, layout etc. (But I did not know these things when I was a house buying virgin 4 years ago.) Still, I COULD love my kitchen....if I got it back from the pile o' fabric, bobbins and rulers.

Thus leads us to--"The Great Kid Blending of 09". The kids rooms are your average size rooms, right? So WHY is it so hard to put two kids in one room? I mean they're under 4 feet tall, what the hell? Well, I've learned, it's because my kids have TOO MUCH FREAKIN CRAP! Again, we reference the in-laws for this one. Although I am VERY grateful to have my in-laws around and their gift giving is great, I have to STORE this stuff somewhere.

And I've also learned something else--inevitably, whatever you THINK a 4 year old might like and you purchase for him...he will not like it after a week. It just becomes another THING in his room. How can a child TRULY appreciate what they own when there is SO MUCH OF IT?

I also learned when your child has autism, they are not necessarily playing with toys appropriate for their age. Nor often do they even give a rat's arse ABOUT toys. My son wants circles. Lots and lots of circles. Sure, I keep age appropriate and developmentally appropriate toys around, but he could care less. He wants his damn circles and you best step back when you try to take them.

Sooooo, I decided it was time to merge the boys into one room. They handled it beautifully in our week at the cabin, why not give it a go at home?

Then I learned the crib didn't fit through the door. You have to take it apart. Insert expletive here. So said child is sleeping in his pack n play whilst I brainstorm a plan. (Not sure crib can survive another taking apart--this is the 4th kid it's been through.) Meanwhile progress is slowly being made--no pictures, it's too shameful to see right now.

And whilst I'm ranting, (I Love whilst. Its my favorite word other than "chocolate"). Let me address something. I have already received the "How can you make them share a room?" comment from several folks. To that I say, Shut the hell up. I mean, seriously...these kid have more toys, games, clothes, STUFF than I ever had and I was the most spoiled little poor girl you would ever meet. (Don't ask, long story, ask my sister.) They are not hurting for a darn thing. Personally I feel this: Mommy and Daddy pay the mortgage, Mommy and Daddy deserve a room to sew and play guitar without sweating it out in the kitchen or garage.

Then there's this idea....Eli has autism, it's no secret. But he's blessed with a big brother. Now while Harrison has his own sensory issues, I'd like to think they can be friends one day. I'd like to think them sharing a room will help them learn to WORK TOGETHER, SOLVE PROBLEMS, and APPRECIATE each other.

And if it doesn't, well I've got duct tape to draw the line down the middle of the room ready.

~~Amy